Douglas the dentist, bored with drilling,
Holes in teeth that needed filling,
Decided to take a holiday,
As far as possible away.
From teeth and dental miscellanea,
And so he went to transylvania,
An unsophisticated country where,
Modern dentistry is rare.
His journey started off by plane,
Then through Carpathia by train,
And finally an ancient coach and four,
Brought him to his hotel door.
Above it on an old placard,
Was written "Hotel Ulacard".
"Ulacard" - it sounded scary,
It wasn't in his dictionary.
And yet somehow it seemed to say
"If you are wise you'll keep away"
(Poor Douglas didn't know it was a
Secret code for ______________!)
The place looked rather old and crumbling,
"But," he thought, "It's no use grumbling.
Though not the nicest place to sleep,
The Travel Agent said it's cheap.
And so he knocked upon the door.
He nearly fainted when he saw
The man who came to let him in.
He looked so very tall and thin
More like a skeleton than a man!
Douglas noticing the gathering gloom
He thought he'd rather risk the room.
The old man showed him in and up a
Winding stair.  "Come down for supper
In a moment, if you would,
We'er having something special - bl....
Er ...sorry, I mean cheese on toast ...
He said, going paler than a ghost.
"No thanks.  Just show me to my room."
Gulped Douglas, grouping in the gloom.
The room was very bare and low.
Lit only by a candle's glow.
"Room service?" "Bang upon the floor."
"Toilets?" Near the back-yard door -
But if I were you I'd not
Go wandering rouse, the chamber pot!"
With that he gave a goodbye groan
And left poor Douglas on his own.
There was a putrid smell - like death,
Or like a dental patient's breath
So Douglas flung the window wide
For air, but when he looked outside
He saw a terrifying sight
Dracula's Castle by the light
Of a ghostly moon.  He shook with dread
And wished he'd stayed at home instead.
Then suddenly like the crack of doom
Echoing spookily round the room
A clock chimed out the midnight hour -
You should have seen poor Douglas cower!
He quickly dived into the bed
And wrapped the pillow round his head
Trying not to think of things